im drinking this country out of the recession.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
