Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
