Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
