About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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