I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
