Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize