chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
