i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Everyone says I win the strip club
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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