I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
