it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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