we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
its not stalking. its research.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize