I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize