I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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