if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I think I just sharted jello shots
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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