like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
