I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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