my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
