Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
