Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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