I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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