so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
