i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
