you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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