Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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