NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
