my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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