And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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