They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
