Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
