Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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