birth control should be required to get into college
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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