First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
