do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
