and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
