I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize