I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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