Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
