my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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