Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
