omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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