you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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