Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
