Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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