6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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