It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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