Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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