is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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