Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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