he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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