Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
