I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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