oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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