his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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