you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
