i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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