There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
