My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
