i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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