im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
