Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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