Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
