Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
