1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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