I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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