you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
