if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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