yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
