the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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