My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
