Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
