It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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