Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
