im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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