sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
being pregnant is like rehab
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
