I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
