i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize