why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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