Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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