hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
