I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
