get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
