a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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