why didn't you poke me back
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
