Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
