Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
