Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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