I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
