I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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