I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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