U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
