Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize