He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
