Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
