nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
