took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
