her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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